I spent some much needed time alone today on the bike path at OU and I think it did a world of good...I was totally alone and listening to my ipod and just wrapped in my thoughts about Clay, school and about 1000 other things. I crave alone time like no one else I've ever known...I love my friends but I get people overload after a week or so in classes. The wind was crazy today and the river w
as still pretty high and the sky was dark and about to let loose rain at any moment but it didn't matter, I was happy. Or at least as happy as I've been able to be in the past week since I heard about Clay's death.
At the end of my walk, I got some nice shots of flowers, mostly tulips which I love and saw some really pretty gardens in a residential neighborhood. I take pictures of simple things, things that I find pretty. My photos aren't to impress or even educate really, I just enjoy looking at peaceful, pretty, serene objects...I'll leave the other stuff to the professionals...lol
Slowly, I'm starting to feel more like myself but I know tomorrow will be very very difficult without my mother, Easter always is. Hopefully I can get through it and smile and just enjoy the day with my family.
I'm ready to post happy fun topics but I'm just not there yet...I don't want to rush my grief and not allow myself to work through it...only thing is, I'm not a good sad person, some people are good at being sad, but not me. I'm a happy person, I actually want to be happy and work hard at not having unhappy people as a part of my life..but I need to take my time and feel this...hopefully when I'm done, I'll be able to think about Clay and not cry, and not be sad, but think about all of the people he helped and loved.