I spent some much needed time alone today on the bike path at OU and I think it did a world of good...I was totally alone and listening to my ipod and just wrapped in my thoughts about Clay, school and about 1000 other things. I crave alone time like no one else I've ever known...I love my friends but I get people overload after a week or so in classes. The wind was crazy today and the river w
as still pretty high and the sky was dark and about to let loose rain at any moment but it didn't matter, I was happy. Or at least as happy as I've been able to be in the past week since I heard about Clay's death.
At the end of my walk, I got some nice shots of flowers, mostly tulips which I love and saw some really pretty gardens in a residential neighborhood. I take pictures of simple things, things that I find pretty. My photos aren't to impress or even educate really, I just enjoy looking at peaceful, pretty, serene objects...I'll leave the other stuff to the professionals...lol
Slowly, I'm starting to feel more like myself but I know tomorrow will be very very difficult without my mother, Easter always is. Hopefully I can get through it and smile and just enjoy the day with my family.
I'm ready to post happy fun topics but I'm just not there yet...I don't want to rush my grief and not allow myself to work through it...only thing is, I'm not a good sad person, some people are good at being sad, but not me. I'm a happy person, I actually want to be happy and work hard at not having unhappy people as a part of my life..but I need to take my time and feel this...hopefully when I'm done, I'll be able to think about Clay and not cry, and not be sad, but think about all of the people he helped and loved.
Friday, April 22, 2011
On March 31st of this year, Cpl Clay Hunt took his own life just a few weeks short of his 29th birthday due to PTSD from serving his country and protecting our freedom and liberties...Our government let him down and the world and my life are missing an incredible human being. As a former Army brat, I was raised to respect the flag, my country and understand that it was my duty as well as the rest of America to defend and protect my country. Clay went above and beyond in his duties, courage and loyalty to his country and what was his reward? What was he given when he needed help from them? Nothing but more stress and upset. He did everything right in his battle with PTSD and still lost. It's so hard to process how someone so full of life, courage and love for his friends and family could feel so very hopeless that he felt suicide was the only answer. I'm angry and sad and what I'm feeling can't even be remotely compared to what his family is feeling. He was a beautiful person and I pray that God is taking care of Clay in the way that his country didn't. Shame on every person in the VA that let him down. I hope you sleep well at night. My heart hurts and I want answers but there are none; just the emptiness of losing someone who had so much left to do and so many to help...
Amelia's birthday party is tomorrow and we're making tie dye birthday cupcakes and let me tell you...I'm quite done with that for a while! I'm so sick of smelling cupcakes! lol This was our first stab at making tie dye cupcakes and they turned out rather well thank God! Easter is Sunday and I've got all the candy stashed away, not that she doesn't know what she's getting in her basket, as she picked it all out herself. I've done my best over the past week to pretend that nothing is wrong and that I'm not absolutely heartbroken about Clay's death but I'm not sure anyone is buying it...Easter is a rough time for me already since the death of my mother but I'll go to church and see my baby cousins baptized and do my best to keep it together. This post is kind of a downer but its basically where I'm at right now...